Gentle listening holds the key to your precious unfolding.

In the process of inner listening we are often surprised at what arises. It feels familiarly uncomfortable, something that we have tried to avoid and not reflect on. In quiet stillness we can come to understand what is puzzling us, and realize that it holds the key to our precious unfolding.

Cultivating this type of practice we begin to feel confidence or faith that what we need to understand about ourselves and that what is most important to pay attention to right now is available to us for shaping our next steps. What might feel painful is all right to experience and is in truth comforting. Without a doubt, not paying attention to our inner selves will cause us more pain.

PRACTICE SELF-REFLECTION

Many things get in the way that stop us from hearing our inner voice. The varieties of fears and blocks that stop us are endless. Rather than get waylaid by our uncomfortableness or down right fear of what is lurking below the surface, cultivate a simple practice of self-reflection. When we take time for self-reflection, our confidence grows in our ability to negotiate our life, and align with the beauty of who we are.

Self-reflection is a precious time where we commune with the beloved. Consider your inner self as your baby. We don’t want to put a baby in her crib and leave her there unattended for long periods of time. We need to check in on her to see how she is doing. Your baby has wisdom. She is truly there for your good.

SET AN INTENTION

Take thirty minutes a day for self-reflection, at the same time and place. Ten minutes a day anywhere in a quiet place, will work. I use noise canceling head phones if necessary.

Start by setting an intention. “I am in pain, help me to understand myself more clearly”. Or “may I have greater clarity” Or simply “peace”. You can also spontaneously set an intention that is meaningful to you in the moment. It is important that your time of self -reflection has aliveness, truthfulness to it, so you can say what is on your mind in the moment as a way to set your intention. Self-reflection is not used to manipulate ourselves. We use self-reflection as a way to commune intimately with ourselves, for the sake of the relationship itself.

SCAN YOUR BODY

Systematically scan your body. The important thing is “don’t judge yourself”. Whatever comes up, love it. You can say to yourself “I love you” and let it go. If you feel critical about yourself, love that critical part and let it go.

Begin with the breath, take three or more deep breaths to slow your breathing and then go deeper into the body. Start with the top of your head and work your way down to the soles of your feet. Step by step bring your awareness into different parts of your body relaxing and expanding those areas. For example you can “relax your face muscles, by bringing your awareness to your face and allowing the face muscles to relax and expand, part your lips, draw your eyes back into their sockets, and the root of your tongue back into your mouth. Step by step do what you feel called to do, in order to soften your body, and slow your breath. If you are in a hurry, you can get a sense of your whole body all at once and relax your body.

All the while have an attitude of loving kindness toward your self.  Luxuriate in the process however short it might be. The point here is to enjoy it, and to do it over and over again, and to make it a regular practice. If you like it, you will run to it for the sheer joy of being with yourself, no matter what your circumstances. If we look outside of ourselves for this joy we will always be disappointed. It cannot be found outside of ourselves in any activity or with any person.

Be willing to be surprised and not attached to what is coming up. What emerges might not look like what you think it should be. A “deadly” piece is that we keep holding on to how we think life should unfold, and what we think it should look like while we pull on familiar techniques that have helped us in the past. If none of these are working we feel lost or stuck. The new thing that wants to emerge is often very unique and surprising and not at all what we thought, but undoubtedly the key to our next steps.

Cultivating self-reflection helps us to trust the organic process of our self-emerging. It strengthens our faith and gives us trust that life is on our side if we pay attention.

EXAMPLES

Let’s say you are an inventor and you have a problem you want to solve, or that you have emotional issues that are bothering you that you want to bring clarity too, or that you want to gain some direction in your life. Let that idea be with you as you start but at the same time let it go. This is important. Try not to think, and allow whatever is emerging to emerge. Give yourself full freedom, to be with what ever comes up in each moment.

One time I was having difficulty communicating something to my husband and was feeling hopeless. What should I do? In the process of self-reflection it became clear that I needed to stay focused on myself. It became clear in these ways. I felt a need to change my diet and to work concretely on some projects. As I sat I noticed one thing after another, for example projects that were important to me that I wanted to connect with more actively. I realized that it was not about working on communicating something to my husband, but working on my relationship (communication) to myself. I came to understand that I created situations in my life in order to “have to” connect to myself. I would eat too much and gain a few pounds, so I would need to stay very focused on myself in order to drop the few pounds. Up to that point without self-reflection I felt lost and confused about what to do. After self-reflection I had a sense of rightness about how to view my struggle and understanding about how to negotiate my life.

TRUST THE OUTCOME

If you do not gain greater clarity about your situation at the end of your self-reflection time it is fine. Trust that at the right time the insight will arrive and that deeper insights will unfold. When you finish your self-reflection bring a sense of gratitude into your heart. End with thankfulness. Jot down a few words for yourself that you can look at before your next self-reflection time. If something comes up in self-reflection that feels difficult recognize this, don’t shy away. Take baby steps proceeding with your newfound wisdom. Jot down the more difficult realizations in your journal. Feel assured that any new understanding would not come into your awareness unless you are able to negotiate this in your life.

If you take time for self-reflection you can trust that the natural unfolding of your true self will guide your life. This will create a greater sense of presence in the moment and more equanimity. It takes time but do not give up.

Is there something in your life that you would like to understand more deeply? Give yourself the gift of self-reflection and share with us something that you learned.